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kerokero
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read my profile
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Name: C
Birthday: 4/12/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Loving the Japanese Culture again, doramas, anime, jpop...but my love will always be music and Jason Mraz since his voice penetrates and soothes the soul...
Expertise: I want to say I'm an expert at Scheme, but hrm...I'll leave that to everyone else to decide. I love UI...hoping to get into HCI or SIMS. Graphics was once a love...maybe a resurrection is in order.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/22/2003
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| So I'm doing an experiment as well as a...what I call, "social pooping." I'm trying to cleanse my life off all the unnecessary noise which is preventing me from doing what I need to do. I've deactivated my facebook account, killed off all my other social networking sites (linkedin, myspace, friendster). I'm very very tempted to delete this as well as my livejournal account. Part of me thinks it's cause I want to run away from a certain someone...partly so. But I also think it's a way to finally realize that there are more things to life than being stuck online talkign to people. I need to use the phone more and talk to people. There are only a handful of people whom I talk to on the phone and have a meaningful conversation. Meaningful meaning both parties are excited to talk to each other. All of those people are those whom I was in CS classes with or those who work with me. None of them are from high school. I will talk to my friend one day. I plan on doing it mid October which is when I'll be back from the Philippines and finally things at work will have settled down. I just want to clear the air and just end everything if need be. I'm done with that part of my life and I have so much more ahead of me. I don't want it to hold me back anymore.
Back to the social pooping...I figure if someone wants to reach me, they'll find a way to get to me via other means. Only a handful of people know my new email address and I like it that way. I have only a handful of friends's numbers on my phone. I used to have a hundred. Now I'm down to about 10. It's refreshing. I'm finally feeling more at peace...
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| Yeah weird, it's like I'm resurrecting this site from the dead. 2 years and I'm back. I've had some things on my mind which have been keeping me up at night and I really really need to get it off my chest...well mind. A couple months ago I broke down after reading an e-mail from my friend...it went to the gist of "you're flying over to NY to see a person you haven't seen in years, but you can't even go to a Christmas party which is near your house..." This friend had done this to me last year too before her birthday when she said "I let you know that we were having a party on Saturday...and you can't go...it's a test of friendship" I clearly stated that my job is fickle when it comes to travel and I sometimes travel on Saturdays so I couldn't promise anything. Then I broke down too and I told her it wasn't fair to say that and I told her how much it hurt for her to even say that. She said she'd drop the subject...Then she brings it up again...I couldn't believe she said it again but this time to EVERYONE in an email chain we have amongst our friends. I just blew up...blew up to just say that I was quite hurt by the statement and explained why I didn't go to the party.
1. The party was cancelled the day.
2. I decided on doing something else that day
3. When I heard that the party did commence, I was surprised cause I didn't hear about it at all.
4. I was changing phones at the time and I only got the text messages days after the event happened.
I had no idea it occurred still and it's MY fault that I didn't go? I haven't spoken or emailed her since and no one from that group of friends said happy birthday to me except 3 people and for the first time, no birthday gift. I was also not included in discussion for birthday gifts for the birthdays that transpired between that event and now. I do feel left out and I don't feel it's fair that I'm being ostracized...it really is not fair. I don't understand why people don't ask me WHY I said what I said and where it came from cause there is a reason why I said what I said. It hurt...it hurts now. I don't even know when or where I'm welcome anymore. I feel quite betrayed and I never thought this would ever happen to me....especially with her....I really don't know what to do...how can I ever go to a get together if I feel like no one wants me there...I don't know if I should just call her up or email or do something cause it's just sitting in my head playing over and over like a broken record, but it's tearing me apart....Sad huh? I care too much about what people think...
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| ...running out of time...
Hrm...it's been so long since I've written in here. I miss having a life sometimes. I wish I could be more confident. I wish things came more easily to me. I wish I didn't keep yo-yoing back and forth...if only I stayed fit...
I just need to figure out what I want. How much do I want it...there are too many pressures in my life. I just need some time to myself sometimes...
~ later days...
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| ...it's all good...
Work is good.
Work is great.
Work could be better.
If it started late.
Yeah let's say my days start at 5am to wake up and get to work...and end around 5pm unless I've felt I have done nothing so I stay till 7pm. Then I try to sleep at 10, but end up sleeping later..then I feel like crap the next day. Let's just say I've started a caffeine addiction to really good coffee...that's free. It makes me shed a tear every time I think about it *tear*.
I check my e-mail only once a day if I get to the library on time. I don't have internet at home. I will soon, but now I don't. So if you don't see me online at all anymore. It's because of that and I'm at work so I can't do anything but business related things.
BTW to blackberry or not to blackberry...that is the question. I'm off to Canada in a week. Yay for being me.
~ later days...
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| ...sit tight, i'm gonna need you to keep time...
I know it's been a while since I've posted anything here. Let's just say I've been really busy and my last semester of college was pretty anti-climactic. I gained a ton of weight during the final weeks of the semester and now I'm on my way to my six-pack. I started bartending school last week and I'm ending this Friday. I have a final and I have to pass with high marks so I can get a letter of rec to do catering and private parties so that I can rake in the big bucks. I would like to do a massive catch-up but right now I'm tired. It's been really tiring these past week due to bartending school and travelling. So I think I'll wait until later. But I am still alive and doing well. I'll be changing my screenname soon too. No more AOL. Also painting my room hopefully by Thursday so I can finally move stuff BACK into my room. Okay time to study for my final and take Lucky for a pee break!
~ later days...
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